freedom

I am FREE at last!!!

this week's lectures covered sin, forgiveness and repentance, with a climactic finish last night. starting at 9am and finishing at 1am, we as a team confessed our sins before God and eachother. when it was my turn I went up to the front of the room, sat between my small group leader and my school leader and bawled my eyes out as I confessed and asked forgiveness for the sins of my life. I asked forgiveness for my idolatry; for putting the acceptance and approval of others in first and foremost in my life. I asked forgiveness for believing the lies of the enemy, that I'm not good enough, I'm worthless, no one likes me, I'm a tag-along. Forgiveness for hating myself. For lying, for materialism, for not believing in God's goodness. For doubting Him. The Lord heard my cry and gave mercy abundantly and forgave deeply. and I am FREE. Satan can no longer use my insecurities against me, for they are at the foot of the cross. No longer use my sin against me, for they are also at the foot of the cross, forgotten. For the first time in my life, I am excited about the future! I am hopeful. I'm expectant of great things to happen. After my prayer of confession, my leaders prayed over me and received words from the Lord for me about a role of leadership. The Lord was telling them that He is raising me up to lead others and I need to step into that role, move forward, press on, never look back. I'm finally free to do what He is calling me to do!
The Lord gave me this verse as the night wore on last night, as more and more broken people came to the altar to lay the burdens down:
from Isaiah 61 and 62
I will bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor... Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance... You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah ; for the LORD will take delight in you.

This is the promise He has given me. He has turned my ashes into beauty and I feel like I am seeing Him clearly for the first time.


In other news: we have found out some interesting things concerning our time of outreach at the end of the school. Please pray fervently for these new developments. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about it.
The original plan was to spend two and a half months in Jakarta, Indonesia for our outreach phase. Unfortunately, the Indonesian travel authorities have caught on to all the YWAMers being sent into their country and are not so happy about it. They have shut it down to us, unless we are only staying there for one month. As a result, we will only get to be in Jakarta for one month and will be spending the other month and a half elsewhere. Each person will have a choice for where they go for the second half. The choices are still up in the air, but I think Egypt, the "Stan" countries (i.e. Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, etc.), and North Eastern Africa will be some of the options. At this point, I'm not sure where the Lord is leading, but I have a feeling I will end up in one of the "Stan" countries. Here's the part where I am going to need serious prayer: as you can imagine, the new developments are going to increase the amount of money we need for outreach by quite a lot. As it stands right now it look like I am going to be lacking about $3000-$3500, instead of the $800 I thought I was lacking. All I can say is that, the Lord knew this was going to happen before any of us did and He is more than capable of supplying our needs. Our whole team is lacking money, so we are in it together, but I would appreciate some serious intercession at home, as all of my resources have already been tapped. I will give more updates on this as they come.

In the mean time, I miss everyone a lot! I love you all! keep checking for more amazing things the Lord is doing in me. Thank you for your faithful prayers and encouraging notes.