personal heroes

there are very few people who make it into this category for me. very few. the people that do make it in, are people who I want to be like in almost every way. there's just not that many who measure up to this standard. but I have come to realize over the past few years that there are two people who I will run into time and again, and every time I do, I walk away thinking, "man...I wish I could be like them." I met Hannah Gentiles when I was in 4th grade, she was one of the few friends I made when I moved to Cedar Park. We stayed friends through middle school and worked out a car-pooling plan between her dad and mine. David Gentiles, tended to pick us up from school everyday. He was one of the "cool" dads that all the kids liked. Since, middle school my contact with this family has lessened, but thanks to miracles of the internet, myspace and facebook, I am able to secretly stalk them and find out what they are up to these days. I have discovered that both Hannah and her dad, David, are the rare souls who give their life away every single day to others. They do it joyfully and passionately. Hannah is majoring in social work, and from what I can tell, uses all the rest of her free time pouring into and loving on "the least of these". A couple of years ago, she gave a year to an organization called Mission Year. Basically she lived in the ghetto of Oakland, California, and served daily the brothers and sisters around her. she became their friends, took care of their children, and lent a hand wherever needed and wherever possible, but mostly just showed them the love that Jesus would have shown them. exactly. This summer, she spent in Austin counseling for Austin Sunshine Camps. These camps offer low income, high-risk, children an opportunity that they would never have otherwise to go to camp for a week. the pictures from Hannah's experience are absolutely beautiful.

Besides, all this Hannah is freaking gorgeous and funny and one of the friendliest girls I have had the privilege to meet. Her dad must have been the one who imparted all these qualities to her. Ever since I have known him, he has been one of the easiest people to talk to, even after years of not seeing him. Every time, it's like I see him every day. He is a single dad who has served in the church, mostly youth, for like 14 years I think. Any guy who can handle pubescent teens at church and then come home to raise 3 girls every day, and have them turn out as talented and beautiful as they are, is a force to behold. He is every bit as loving and selfless as his daughter and he has a smile that could make any old meany melt. anyways....blah blah blah....I love them both and if I only get to be half as loving and giving as them, I will be happy. Hannah, David....this one's for you. :)

counterfeit

My heart is broken for those who recieve a watered down word of the Lord every Sunday...for those who do not know Him and whose first taste of Him is a counterfeit for the true LIFE found in Jesus. non-believers can see right through these counterfeits. the Lord is life and joy and there is nothing else that is even comparable.

"The redeemed have all their objective good in God. God himself is the great good which they are brought to the possession and enjoyment of by redemption. He is the highest good, and the sum of all that good which Christ purchased. God is the inheritance of the saints; he is the portion of their souls. God is their wealth and treasure, their food, their life, their dwelling place, their ornament and diadem, and their everlasting honor and glory. They have none in heaven but God; he is the great good which the redeemed are received to at death, and which they are to rise to at the end of the world. The Lord God, he is the light of the heavenly Jerusalem; and is the ‘river of the water of life’ that runs, and the tree of life that grows, ‘in the midst of the paradise of God’. The glorious excellencies and beauty of God will be what will forever entertain the minds of the saints, and the love of God will be their everlasting feast. The redeemed will indeed enjoy other things; they will enjoy the angels, and will enjoy one another: but that which they shall enjoy in the angels, or each other, or in anything else whatsoever, that will yield then delight and happiness, will be what will be seen of God in them." —Edwards, Jonathan. The Sermons of Jonathan Edwards: A Reader

adoration

There is no one who is like You
You stand alone as God
All the earth will bow before You And see You as You are
And Your people sing Jesus is the Lord Who reigns forevermore
Jesus is the Lord He reigns, He reigns
Heroes tremble in Your presence Kings forget their crowns
Mountains shudder at Your whisper Nations fall face down
And Your people sing Jesus is the Lord Who reigns forevermore
Jesus is the Lord He reigns, He reigns
Our God is an awesome God He reigns from Heaven above With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God
Jesus is the Lord Who reigns forevermore Jesus is the Lord He reigns, he reigns

battle verse

1 Timothy 1:15-16
...Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.

this verse embodies everything that I'm feeling about my leaving for Australia in a month. His redemption is more beautiful than I have words to express.

worth

I have got to stop finding my worth in my friends and what boys may or may not think of me. all girls have insecurities, well, all people have insecurities I suppose. my big one is my friends. the fear of losing friends drives me to be a people pleaser 24/7. I will go to great lengths, spend outrageous amounts of money on parties that people don't show up to most of the time, host get-togethers, and for what? it's all in the hopes that I will find out that my friends really do like me and want to spend time with me and with eachother. it's pretty sick, really. this is something the Lord has been working on me for a long time. it has a HUGE impact on my ministry too. the fear of losing friends or even just changing the dynamic of an already exisiting friendship prevents me from sharing the Gospel sometimes. I have a few friends who do not know the Lord and I'm too scared to share how my life has been changed by Him because it might push them away. why can't I remember that the Gospel is LIFE- by sharing it with them I am offering life...not something that is going to suck their happiness away. the Lord is sooooo much bigger than I give Him credit for, and it is so hard for me to trust that He knows what He is doing when He calls me to share.

I was driving in my sister's car yesterday, complete with no air conditioning in the blistering heat, when I felt it start to lurch right on the highway. I looked at the gas gauge and saw there was still an 8th of a tank. well...turns out you can't let the gas get below a quarter of a tank, something my beautiful sister neglected to tell me. as I was sitting, crying on the side of the road, my car right in the middle of a lane, other cars honking and swerving to miss it, God started nagging me about where my worth is found. the flesh part of me actually thought for a few minutes, "As soon as I get married and have a husband who loves me for who I am, I will be cured of this insecurity, I won't need anybody else's approval because I will have his." how absurd is that?? the Lord quickly corrected me and reminded me that and I am His child, His beloved and I can never find my worth in anyone else but Him. He loves me for who I am, unconditionally, forever and ever, and if I ever were to run away, He would chase me until He found me and brought me back home.

scared...a lot

A few days ago I sold that last piece of my former life. Over the last few months I have had to give up, sell, or lose almost everything that meant anything to me from the life I was living before any of this DTS stuff came to fruition. It started with my apartment in July. I boxed everything up and put it all (with the exception of my clothes and books) into storage. As some of you know, I'm a big cryer. I loooove a good cry. But alas, no tears would come as I looked at my apartment in the rear-view mirror for the last time. Then came my job, at the beginning of August. I thought for sure there would be waterworks as I said goodbye to Ripley and Max, the two 1 year old boys I'd been nannying for. Still nothing. Then came Gertie, my beloved, granted, extremely obnoxious kitten. I got a call from my sister who had been watching her since I moved out. "Charissa, I can't find Gertie anywhere."...and she was gone. I like to think some nice family found her and she is living it up chasing bugs. This one was hard because I wanted to cry, but I was in a place where there was no privacy. So I shoved it down deep and pushed onward. Two days ago I sold my '98 Ford Taurus Stationwagon-the first car I paid for myself. She was a boat of a car, a real whale, but I loved it. I came the closest to crying, when I cleaned out the car and watched as a man named Nelson drove it away forever...but still nothing. There is an emotional break-down bubbling at the surface and who knows when it's going to blow.

I called my mom to tell her how sad and scared I was with all these changes, and how final they seem. She reminded me of the rich young ruler, who came to Jesus and said, "What do I need to do get into the kingdom of heaven?" and Jesus said, "Sell all your possessions and follow me."
God is continually giving me the strength to do what He has called me to. It really sucks sometimes, but I am so excited to finally be in the center of His will! Terrified, yes, but also expectant.