well, I leave for Jakarta and Nepal in less than two days and I'm filled with this overwhelming desire to squeeze everything I can out of every minute that I have there. It is going to be unbearably hot and humid and rainy, not to mention the fact that we have to wear long sleeves and pants to protect us from mosquitoes. I know the tendency will be to give in to my emotions regarding the circumstances, but I just don't want to. God has promised so much if we will just press in, push through. I want to squeeze everything that He has for me out of this time.
I was just thinking the other day about what amazing friends I have. I have friends that are changing the world because they choose to go out of their comfort zone and stay there for the sake of others. Love motivates people to do crazy things. I have a friend who is romping through the most dangerous parts of Africa right now to bring tangible, practical aid to people who literally have no hope. He spent his Christmas eve night riding in an open air truck through Rwanda, picking up a pregnant woman in labor and rushing her to the hospital. How crazy is that? It's not comfortable, for sure, but it brings more joy than I'm sure he could ever imagine sitting at home watching TV. My friend Joey spent his entire summer in Uganda fighting for the rights of the forgotten. Loving people deeply, experiencing something completely outside of himself. My friend Chelsea spent a few weeks in Zambia this summer loving the ultimate of the unloved. Children who never had a childhood, AIDS orphans, rape victims. I love that I serve a God who is infinitely more broken-hearted about these people than we ever will be. I love that He entrusts us with the task of reconciliation. My friend, Zach will spend the next six years serving in China. Building up the church there, and telling people for the first time, "You're not a hopeless case. There's a God who loves you deeply, He wants to heal your wounds and give you a life that you couldn't imagine even in your wildest dreams." That's amazing. I'm realizing more and more the heart of God for this broken world. I'm realizing more and more the desperateness of the situation. The things that I worry about, my momentary concerns are secondary. God is looking for people who will say, "Yes I've been hurt, yes, it sucked, but God has healed me, I'm going to get over it. I'm not going to let my past dictate my future. I choose to see the rest of the world around me and I choose to do something about it."
So as I get ready to leave for outreach, I'm preparing myself mentally to push through despite all odds. The more uncomfortable, the better. When I'm trekking through the Himalayas and I don't think I can make another step, I will choose the see the faces of the people in the next village, and I will keep moving. I do not want to come back the same. I want to rock these cities, these villages, with the authority and the victory that Christ won for me when he died on the cross. The blind will see, the deaf will hear, and people will be REDEEMED, reconciled, their lives reversed.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Saturday, December 22, 2007
recap 2007
sorry guys for the absence of new updates. I'm not sure if it's even possible to convey the busyness of life here on base. but, all that aside, I thought I'd give a quick recap of 2007. it has been pretty monumental.
2007 did not start off well. I was completely lost in every aspect of the word. I had no direction, I was spiritually hungry, and I was totally disconnected from God, even to the point of wondering if He existed. I couldn't understand why none of my plans for myself were working out. eventually I had an emotional melt-down. even as I was bawling my eyes out, I was journaling my thoughts on my life. they were not nice ones. I was angry with God because I felt deserted and I couldn't hear Him. the next morning I emailed a close friend of mine and attached the whole journal entry to see what he thought about my situation. He wrote me back and said he has prayed about my email and got a specific word from the Lord for me. basically God was telling me, "the reason none of your plans are working out, the reason you can't hear me, the reason you have no direction is because I love you too much to let you settle for a life that you're not called to. you were made for missions. you were made to go to the nations."
fast-forward three months and I am applying for the DTS here in Perth. there is no way to describe the feeling of being in the center of God's will. it's like a huge weight has been lifted off my back. I can move forward. I have no idea what the next step is, but the doors are open and God will tell me where to move.
here's a revelation I got earlier this week: basically, it's really easy to stay inside your own little bubble of "me". constantly worrying about the things you need to get done, the things you need to change in your life, etc. And not all of this stuff is necessarily bad, but I was challenged to look at the bigger picture. I feel like I am a character in some grand story. and my adventure is that for the rest of my life I get to plumb the depths of a limitless God. He is mysterious and HUGE and I will never know all of Him, but I get the spend the rest of my life, in every experience, getting to know a little more of His character. kinda brings you out of yourself for a little bit. The God that made the stars and the universe and Mount Everest and humpback whales, I know Him! it's just bizarre.
anyways...I have no idea what the next step for me is. but I am seriously looking forward to 2008. I will start off the year by spending 3 months in Indonesia and Nepal, trekking through the Himalaya's with a Sherpa, to tiny villages. what more could you ask for?
2007 did not start off well. I was completely lost in every aspect of the word. I had no direction, I was spiritually hungry, and I was totally disconnected from God, even to the point of wondering if He existed. I couldn't understand why none of my plans for myself were working out. eventually I had an emotional melt-down. even as I was bawling my eyes out, I was journaling my thoughts on my life. they were not nice ones. I was angry with God because I felt deserted and I couldn't hear Him. the next morning I emailed a close friend of mine and attached the whole journal entry to see what he thought about my situation. He wrote me back and said he has prayed about my email and got a specific word from the Lord for me. basically God was telling me, "the reason none of your plans are working out, the reason you can't hear me, the reason you have no direction is because I love you too much to let you settle for a life that you're not called to. you were made for missions. you were made to go to the nations."
fast-forward three months and I am applying for the DTS here in Perth. there is no way to describe the feeling of being in the center of God's will. it's like a huge weight has been lifted off my back. I can move forward. I have no idea what the next step is, but the doors are open and God will tell me where to move.
here's a revelation I got earlier this week: basically, it's really easy to stay inside your own little bubble of "me". constantly worrying about the things you need to get done, the things you need to change in your life, etc. And not all of this stuff is necessarily bad, but I was challenged to look at the bigger picture. I feel like I am a character in some grand story. and my adventure is that for the rest of my life I get to plumb the depths of a limitless God. He is mysterious and HUGE and I will never know all of Him, but I get the spend the rest of my life, in every experience, getting to know a little more of His character. kinda brings you out of yourself for a little bit. The God that made the stars and the universe and Mount Everest and humpback whales, I know Him! it's just bizarre.
anyways...I have no idea what the next step for me is. but I am seriously looking forward to 2008. I will start off the year by spending 3 months in Indonesia and Nepal, trekking through the Himalaya's with a Sherpa, to tiny villages. what more could you ask for?
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
it's time to fight!!
Hello Everyone!
I am writing to give a quick update on everything related to the outreach trip I will be leaving for in three weeks:
As most of you know, I was still in need of break-through in the area of finances. Specifically, I was lacking about $2600. The Lord has really showed up in the last few weeks and I got down to about $1500 that I still needed. Today, we had a meeting as a school and were given some news that was a little discouraging. Turns out, it is easier to get into Afghanistan than into the Central African Republic (where my team is heading). The good news is, we have secured tickets that will fly us into Chad, where we will disembark and head for the CAR by van. The bad news is, the tickets were extremely expensive. Our flight actually leaves from Jakarta, Indonesia (where we will be for the first month of outreach) and flies all the way to Paris (only slightly out of the way...haha), and then finally to Chad. Because of the price increase, I am back up to lacking about $2200. When our leaders gave us the news, they said they wanted to be wise and sensitive to the Lord possibly shutting the door on our trip to the CAR, but they wanted to pray about it with us. We went into a time of fervant prayer to hear whether or not we were to procede on with the orginal plan. All of us heard very clearly from the Lord, that the CAR is still our inheritance, and if we want it, we are going to have to fight for it. Satan does not want us to go. There has never been a YWAM team to go there besides the two YWAM contacts who are there now. This is a pioneering work in an area that Satan has made his home in. Our team is going to break down any walls it takes to get there. Whether that be finances, plane tickets, visas, etc.
The circumstances seem to be piling up against our team, in that we need to have all our money in by the end of this week. But the Bible says,
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:7-9
The cool thing is, as soon as we found out the news, I was actually more encouraged than before. The situation is so absurd and the odds are so against us, that it is going to HAVE to be the Lord who moves. Would you join with me in prayer or even fasting, if the Lord leads, to see all the walls barring us from the CAR crumbled to the ground? I need YOU, my family to stand with me and fight for those who are waiting, who are inwardly groaning to hear the Good News of redemption for the first time. Would you also pray about giving financially to see my need met by the end of the week? Again, I cannot do it without you, my family, my brothers and sisters. I know a lot of you have already given, which I am eternally greatful for, but if what I am writing stirs your heart again, seek God out and ask Him if He wants you to invest again.
It's going to happen guys! The Lord has spoken, He has promised an inheritance and I am going fight until I get there.
P.S. if you DO feel lead to give financially, the easiest and fastest way is to do it is online. go to:
https://www.ywamperth.org.au/007/payonline.asp
-in the "payment type" box, click "other"
-put my name in the "recipient" box
-and put "October DTS" in the school/ministry box
this will go straight into my account
Friday, November 30, 2007
you serious, Clark?
Well, today is December 1st, and I woke up to find myself extremely homesick. I feel like I got through Thanksgiving pretty well, but Christmas is going to be rough. I didn't realize how many family traditions I would be missing. About this time, I should be starting the process of watching every Christmas movie ever made with my brother and sister. If I was home right now, I would be planning Winter Fun Vol. 5. I would be baking a lot. I would be decorating the tree with my mom out at the ranch. It would be chilly outside instead of 100 degrees. sigh...what I would give to be sitting in the living room with Steph and Andrew watching Muppet Christmas Carol.
Here's some questions for those of you who still read this thing:
1. what is your favorite Christmas movie?
2. what is your favorite Christmas tradition?
3. describe your favorite ornament
4. how much do you miss me?
Saturday, November 24, 2007
wanna hear a cool story?
Since I have been here, there have been numerous times where God has done some stinking crazy stuff just to bring more glory to His name, and draw more people to Himself. I thought for this week's update, I would share one of those stories with you. As some of you may know, one of my good friends from home, who is on staff with YWAM in China, is visiting here in Perth for a week. He told me this story and it blew my mind.
Every Thursday night we have evangelism, where our whole, 300 person base goes out into the city to minister. Zack (my friend) and his partner had candy canes that they were supposed to hand out that night. Before they went out, they prayed over what to write on the little note cards that went with the candy. Zack, felt that he should write, "Jesus loves you and it's time to step into a relationship with Him." on one of the note cards. When Zack and his partner got to the city they began walking around asking the Lord who they were to talk to. They passed a group of teenagers and kept walking but Zack felt like the Lord was leading them to talk to the teens. He told his partner, but when they turned around the group was already gone. They started looking around the area for the group of teenagers, but after half an hour they were nowhere to be found. Zack assumed they had left the mall and asked the Lord, "Was that you really you asking us to speak to them? Should we keep looking?" God answered back loud and clear, "Keep looking. This is how I search for you. I keep looking until I find you." The Lord also gave him the name "Travis" and told him that the candy cane he had written the note on was for him. Zack was confused about what the name meant and asked his partner to pray and see if the Lord gave her the same name. She prayed but recieved no name. Zack said,"OK, Lord, I think this is you but you're going to have to show me." So they kept walking until they spotted a group of teens hanging out near the food court. Zack wasn't even sure if it was them anymore, but figured he might as well go for it. So they walked up to the group and asked if anyone wanted a candy cane. Most of the kids were too cool to accept a candy cane from a stranger, but one boy timidly said, "I'll have one" and grabbed a candy cane out of Zack's hand. Immediately Zack realized, shoot! that one was for Travis. So he looked around the group and said, "There isn't anyone here by the name of Travis is there?". The kid who had grabbed the candy cane looked at Zack, confused and was like, "Yea, my name is Travis." haha! Zack looked at him dumbstruck, and said, "Oh man! We have been looking for you for the past 45 minutes. The Lord gave me your name and told me to look for you."...and he explained the whole story and got to share with him about a God who seeks people out and wants to be intimate with them. What an amazing testimony of how God pursues us. I love it.
Every Thursday night we have evangelism, where our whole, 300 person base goes out into the city to minister. Zack (my friend) and his partner had candy canes that they were supposed to hand out that night. Before they went out, they prayed over what to write on the little note cards that went with the candy. Zack, felt that he should write, "Jesus loves you and it's time to step into a relationship with Him." on one of the note cards. When Zack and his partner got to the city they began walking around asking the Lord who they were to talk to. They passed a group of teenagers and kept walking but Zack felt like the Lord was leading them to talk to the teens. He told his partner, but when they turned around the group was already gone. They started looking around the area for the group of teenagers, but after half an hour they were nowhere to be found. Zack assumed they had left the mall and asked the Lord, "Was that you really you asking us to speak to them? Should we keep looking?" God answered back loud and clear, "Keep looking. This is how I search for you. I keep looking until I find you." The Lord also gave him the name "Travis" and told him that the candy cane he had written the note on was for him. Zack was confused about what the name meant and asked his partner to pray and see if the Lord gave her the same name. She prayed but recieved no name. Zack said,"OK, Lord, I think this is you but you're going to have to show me." So they kept walking until they spotted a group of teens hanging out near the food court. Zack wasn't even sure if it was them anymore, but figured he might as well go for it. So they walked up to the group and asked if anyone wanted a candy cane. Most of the kids were too cool to accept a candy cane from a stranger, but one boy timidly said, "I'll have one" and grabbed a candy cane out of Zack's hand. Immediately Zack realized, shoot! that one was for Travis. So he looked around the group and said, "There isn't anyone here by the name of Travis is there?". The kid who had grabbed the candy cane looked at Zack, confused and was like, "Yea, my name is Travis." haha! Zack looked at him dumbstruck, and said, "Oh man! We have been looking for you for the past 45 minutes. The Lord gave me your name and told me to look for you."...and he explained the whole story and got to share with him about a God who seeks people out and wants to be intimate with them. What an amazing testimony of how God pursues us. I love it.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Friday Christian
Well, the Lord gave me an answer and I am on the team that will be traveling to Jakarta, Indonesia and the Central African Republic. The Lord made it pretty clear as I prayed over the choices, so I'm really excited to see what He has for me there. Another answer to prayer: my team is awesome! I have a few good friends that also chose this trip, which will be really nice. Thank you to all of you who interceded on my behalf for my decision. I couldn't have gotten a clearer answer. Over the next 4 weeks I will need to raise $3,665.48. I'm beginning the process of asking the Lord what I need to do to raise this money. I have no idea where it will come from but I am confident in His supreme ability to bring in every last penny. We have seen so many miracles here on base, where people have received specific amounts from random people. God definitely knows what He is doing. Would you pray and ask the Lord if this is something He would like you to invest in? Each "no" or "yes" I get from someone is just more confirmation of the plan the Lord has for my finances.
God has really been refining me over the last few weeks. Bringing the dross to the surface clearing it off and making me pure. Last week's lectures were on Lordship and I had some serious business to do. "Either God is Lord of all or not Lord at all"...cheesy, I know, but something I really needed to realize. I like to pick and choose the things that rule my life, and God is sometimes in the mix and sometimes not. The things that rule my life aren't necessarily bad in and of themselves but when they take a place higher than I give the Lord, it's no bueno. I realized I'm a Friday Christian (someone who lives in the day Jesus died on the cross and not on the day He rose). They say, "Jesus died on the cross, I'm forgiven", but they never move on. A Friday Christian is characterized by these things: fearful for the future, anxiety, difficulty hearing God's voice, doubtful, filled with unbelief, weak when temptation comes, ruled by their feelings, continually fighting internally, and are ultimately unfit to receive Spiritual truth. These kind of Christians continually nail Jesus to the cross with their attitudes, thought life, and actions. I fulfil almost all of these characteristics. I had to make the decision to lay down a lot of areas in my life. My appearance is one. I realized that when I'm stressed, or feeling unloved or need to feel accepted I change something about my appearance. I will go shopping or cut my hair or dye it. Instead of running to the Lord, I turn inwardly and try to fix the problem myself. As a result, I'm never satisfied, always looking for a change, always looking for acceptance in others. The Lord spoke and asked me to lay down this area of my life. For the next year I am not going to cut or dye my hair or go shopping. It's not so hard while I'm still here in Australia but I have a feeling Satan will attack as soon as I get home. I would challenge you to search your own heart if you're reading this...are you a Friday Christian? Do you continually live in the fact that Jesus has forgiven you without moving on to the fact that He is risen and calling you to righteousness? The Lord is so ready take you to Sunday! He has already begun this work in me and it has been so awesome to lay stuff down and finally find full satisfaction in Him alone.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
victory
Sorry for the lack of new blogs...things have been very busy and I wanted to wait until today to write, so I could update you on our outreach phase choices. We have 5 different options, 2 of which I am ineligible for because I am American, and they don't give visas to Americans. I'm actually ok with it though...it makes my decision that much easier.
My heart is heavy with anxiety, although I know it should not be. There is so much that goes into this decision. I'm anxious to hear the call of God to a specific area, but I'm afraid of the group I will end up with, will I get along with them? will I get along with my leaders? will the money come in? Because summer is just beginning here in Oz, the plane tickets are very expensive. All of these things are in the Lord's hands, I just have to choose to believe it, even when everything around me seems to say the opposite. This morning our prayer and worship time was completely centered around the fact that the Lord is victorious in all He does. He calls people but He also equips them. Please pray for me as I head into a time of deep prayer and fasting for which area I am called to. Here are the issues that I need and want to see victory in:
1. I have to make my decision by this Thursday-- not a very long time
2. All choices, with the exception of one are very expensive, but I do not want price to play any role in my decision. Our God is rich beyond measure and is in complete control of the situation
3. I am worried about what my team will end up looking like, and how we will get along.
4. Our complete outreach fees are due in five weeks and all of my resources have already been tapped
Please pray, intercede, and believe with me for victory in these areas.
Here are the country choices we have been presented with:
1. Jakarta, Indonesia- 3 months $2,900
2. Jakarta- 2 months
Ethiopia- 2 1/2 weeks
Eritrea/Djibouti- 1 week $5,500
3. Jakarta- 2 months
Central African Republic- 3 1/2 weeks $5,500
Eritrea, Djibouti, and especially Central African Republic are closed and often dangerous places to be, but the leaders of my school felt a specific leading to go there. I know the Lord will speak clearly in my decision. Thank you all for your continued prayer and support. This week will be intense but my confidence rests in God's unfailing love and clear guidance. He has proved Himself over and over in my life and I know this will be no different.
My heart is heavy with anxiety, although I know it should not be. There is so much that goes into this decision. I'm anxious to hear the call of God to a specific area, but I'm afraid of the group I will end up with, will I get along with them? will I get along with my leaders? will the money come in? Because summer is just beginning here in Oz, the plane tickets are very expensive. All of these things are in the Lord's hands, I just have to choose to believe it, even when everything around me seems to say the opposite. This morning our prayer and worship time was completely centered around the fact that the Lord is victorious in all He does. He calls people but He also equips them. Please pray for me as I head into a time of deep prayer and fasting for which area I am called to. Here are the issues that I need and want to see victory in:
1. I have to make my decision by this Thursday-- not a very long time
2. All choices, with the exception of one are very expensive, but I do not want price to play any role in my decision. Our God is rich beyond measure and is in complete control of the situation
3. I am worried about what my team will end up looking like, and how we will get along.
4. Our complete outreach fees are due in five weeks and all of my resources have already been tapped
Please pray, intercede, and believe with me for victory in these areas.
Here are the country choices we have been presented with:
1. Jakarta, Indonesia- 3 months $2,900
2. Jakarta- 2 months
Ethiopia- 2 1/2 weeks
Eritrea/Djibouti- 1 week $5,500
3. Jakarta- 2 months
Central African Republic- 3 1/2 weeks $5,500
Eritrea, Djibouti, and especially Central African Republic are closed and often dangerous places to be, but the leaders of my school felt a specific leading to go there. I know the Lord will speak clearly in my decision. Thank you all for your continued prayer and support. This week will be intense but my confidence rests in God's unfailing love and clear guidance. He has proved Himself over and over in my life and I know this will be no different.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
life on the plumbing crew
This week has been intense. I have learned so many new things that will be beneficial to my walk, and Satan is throwing a fit. I have been attacked so much this week in my ability to withstand distractions, to focus and listen. But the Lord is faithful and it's Friday! Our lectures were on Intercession and Worship, and our speaker rocked my socks off. A few key points for your pondering over the next few days:
-First off, as believers, we have to ability to hear God's voice as clearly as we hear someone talking on the phone. He desires that intimate of a relationship with us. In hearing His voice we have to clear out all other voices.
-we learned about intercession and how it is different from prayer. Intercession is getting specifics from God on how to pray for individuals , groups, or situations. We clear out our own ideas of what needs to be prayed for and ask the Lord what He would have us pray for.
-Steps to intercede: Praise God first. He is worthy, even when we're not in the mood. Confess sin areas in your life. Ask the Lord to reveal areas that might be hindering you from hearing Him better. Lay down your own thoughts, desires, or distractions. Resist the enemy. He gets nervous when he knows we're about to hear from God and will attack in your weakest areas. but he has no authority in our times of prayer. Invite the Holy Spirit to come and give you a clear picture, word, vision of what needs to be prayed for.
The Lord really moved and spoke specifically this week. It was amazing! Like nothing I've ever experienced. Today, I was feeling praticularly discouraged before our intercession time. I was begging the Lord to show me that I was still on the right path with Him, still in step with Him. As the worship leader played on, I had my head bowed, eyes closed, and I distinctly heard a cello playing. I looked up to where the band was, and obviously there was no cello player there, but I could still hear it. undeniably, the cello. I closed my eyes and asked the Lord to reveal to me what it meant. I got a vision of the Lord playing the cello, and I was the instrument! if any of you has ever seen a really good cello player, you know that the instrument looks like it's just an extension of the player's own body. it's captivatingly beautiful to watch. the Lord began to show me through the vision that He wanted me to be an extension of His own body, His own will, He wanted me to make music that would be good and pleasing to His ears, with my life. It was such and amazing and intimate time with Him! I'm praying that you all will experience the fullness of His love and desire to meet with you this week!
The last week and a half me and a friend of mine, Brendan, have been assigned the various plumbing jobs around base for our work duties. I know NOTHING about plumbing. basically I hold the wrench while Brendan does the work. haha. but it has been a great time to serve the body here on base and learn some new things that might come in handy later in life. today I will be learning how to drive on the left side of the road so I can go to the plumbing store! ahhh! pray for me! haha, driving a standard on the left side of the road sounds a bit scary, but should be an adventure.
I love and miss you all!!!
-First off, as believers, we have to ability to hear God's voice as clearly as we hear someone talking on the phone. He desires that intimate of a relationship with us. In hearing His voice we have to clear out all other voices.
-we learned about intercession and how it is different from prayer. Intercession is getting specifics from God on how to pray for individuals , groups, or situations. We clear out our own ideas of what needs to be prayed for and ask the Lord what He would have us pray for.
-Steps to intercede: Praise God first. He is worthy, even when we're not in the mood. Confess sin areas in your life. Ask the Lord to reveal areas that might be hindering you from hearing Him better. Lay down your own thoughts, desires, or distractions. Resist the enemy. He gets nervous when he knows we're about to hear from God and will attack in your weakest areas. but he has no authority in our times of prayer. Invite the Holy Spirit to come and give you a clear picture, word, vision of what needs to be prayed for.
The Lord really moved and spoke specifically this week. It was amazing! Like nothing I've ever experienced. Today, I was feeling praticularly discouraged before our intercession time. I was begging the Lord to show me that I was still on the right path with Him, still in step with Him. As the worship leader played on, I had my head bowed, eyes closed, and I distinctly heard a cello playing. I looked up to where the band was, and obviously there was no cello player there, but I could still hear it. undeniably, the cello. I closed my eyes and asked the Lord to reveal to me what it meant. I got a vision of the Lord playing the cello, and I was the instrument! if any of you has ever seen a really good cello player, you know that the instrument looks like it's just an extension of the player's own body. it's captivatingly beautiful to watch. the Lord began to show me through the vision that He wanted me to be an extension of His own body, His own will, He wanted me to make music that would be good and pleasing to His ears, with my life. It was such and amazing and intimate time with Him! I'm praying that you all will experience the fullness of His love and desire to meet with you this week!
The last week and a half me and a friend of mine, Brendan, have been assigned the various plumbing jobs around base for our work duties. I know NOTHING about plumbing. basically I hold the wrench while Brendan does the work. haha. but it has been a great time to serve the body here on base and learn some new things that might come in handy later in life. today I will be learning how to drive on the left side of the road so I can go to the plumbing store! ahhh! pray for me! haha, driving a standard on the left side of the road sounds a bit scary, but should be an adventure.
I love and miss you all!!!
Friday, October 19, 2007
freedom
I am FREE at last!!!
this week's lectures covered sin, forgiveness and repentance, with a climactic finish last night. starting at 9am and finishing at 1am, we as a team confessed our sins before God and eachother. when it was my turn I went up to the front of the room, sat between my small group leader and my school leader and bawled my eyes out as I confessed and asked forgiveness for the sins of my life. I asked forgiveness for my idolatry; for putting the acceptance and approval of others in first and foremost in my life. I asked forgiveness for believing the lies of the enemy, that I'm not good enough, I'm worthless, no one likes me, I'm a tag-along. Forgiveness for hating myself. For lying, for materialism, for not believing in God's goodness. For doubting Him. The Lord heard my cry and gave mercy abundantly and forgave deeply. and I am FREE. Satan can no longer use my insecurities against me, for they are at the foot of the cross. No longer use my sin against me, for they are also at the foot of the cross, forgotten. For the first time in my life, I am excited about the future! I am hopeful. I'm expectant of great things to happen. After my prayer of confession, my leaders prayed over me and received words from the Lord for me about a role of leadership. The Lord was telling them that He is raising me up to lead others and I need to step into that role, move forward, press on, never look back. I'm finally free to do what He is calling me to do!
The Lord gave me this verse as the night wore on last night, as more and more broken people came to the altar to lay the burdens down:
from Isaiah 61 and 62
I will bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor... Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance... You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah ; for the LORD will take delight in you.
This is the promise He has given me. He has turned my ashes into beauty and I feel like I am seeing Him clearly for the first time.
In other news: we have found out some interesting things concerning our time of outreach at the end of the school. Please pray fervently for these new developments. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about it.
The original plan was to spend two and a half months in Jakarta, Indonesia for our outreach phase. Unfortunately, the Indonesian travel authorities have caught on to all the YWAMers being sent into their country and are not so happy about it. They have shut it down to us, unless we are only staying there for one month. As a result, we will only get to be in Jakarta for one month and will be spending the other month and a half elsewhere. Each person will have a choice for where they go for the second half. The choices are still up in the air, but I think Egypt, the "Stan" countries (i.e. Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, etc.), and North Eastern Africa will be some of the options. At this point, I'm not sure where the Lord is leading, but I have a feeling I will end up in one of the "Stan" countries. Here's the part where I am going to need serious prayer: as you can imagine, the new developments are going to increase the amount of money we need for outreach by quite a lot. As it stands right now it look like I am going to be lacking about $3000-$3500, instead of the $800 I thought I was lacking. All I can say is that, the Lord knew this was going to happen before any of us did and He is more than capable of supplying our needs. Our whole team is lacking money, so we are in it together, but I would appreciate some serious intercession at home, as all of my resources have already been tapped. I will give more updates on this as they come.
In the mean time, I miss everyone a lot! I love you all! keep checking for more amazing things the Lord is doing in me. Thank you for your faithful prayers and encouraging notes.
this week's lectures covered sin, forgiveness and repentance, with a climactic finish last night. starting at 9am and finishing at 1am, we as a team confessed our sins before God and eachother. when it was my turn I went up to the front of the room, sat between my small group leader and my school leader and bawled my eyes out as I confessed and asked forgiveness for the sins of my life. I asked forgiveness for my idolatry; for putting the acceptance and approval of others in first and foremost in my life. I asked forgiveness for believing the lies of the enemy, that I'm not good enough, I'm worthless, no one likes me, I'm a tag-along. Forgiveness for hating myself. For lying, for materialism, for not believing in God's goodness. For doubting Him. The Lord heard my cry and gave mercy abundantly and forgave deeply. and I am FREE. Satan can no longer use my insecurities against me, for they are at the foot of the cross. No longer use my sin against me, for they are also at the foot of the cross, forgotten. For the first time in my life, I am excited about the future! I am hopeful. I'm expectant of great things to happen. After my prayer of confession, my leaders prayed over me and received words from the Lord for me about a role of leadership. The Lord was telling them that He is raising me up to lead others and I need to step into that role, move forward, press on, never look back. I'm finally free to do what He is calling me to do!
The Lord gave me this verse as the night wore on last night, as more and more broken people came to the altar to lay the burdens down:
from Isaiah 61 and 62
I will bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor... Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance... You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah ; for the LORD will take delight in you.
This is the promise He has given me. He has turned my ashes into beauty and I feel like I am seeing Him clearly for the first time.
In other news: we have found out some interesting things concerning our time of outreach at the end of the school. Please pray fervently for these new developments. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about it.
The original plan was to spend two and a half months in Jakarta, Indonesia for our outreach phase. Unfortunately, the Indonesian travel authorities have caught on to all the YWAMers being sent into their country and are not so happy about it. They have shut it down to us, unless we are only staying there for one month. As a result, we will only get to be in Jakarta for one month and will be spending the other month and a half elsewhere. Each person will have a choice for where they go for the second half. The choices are still up in the air, but I think Egypt, the "Stan" countries (i.e. Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, etc.), and North Eastern Africa will be some of the options. At this point, I'm not sure where the Lord is leading, but I have a feeling I will end up in one of the "Stan" countries. Here's the part where I am going to need serious prayer: as you can imagine, the new developments are going to increase the amount of money we need for outreach by quite a lot. As it stands right now it look like I am going to be lacking about $3000-$3500, instead of the $800 I thought I was lacking. All I can say is that, the Lord knew this was going to happen before any of us did and He is more than capable of supplying our needs. Our whole team is lacking money, so we are in it together, but I would appreciate some serious intercession at home, as all of my resources have already been tapped. I will give more updates on this as they come.
In the mean time, I miss everyone a lot! I love you all! keep checking for more amazing things the Lord is doing in me. Thank you for your faithful prayers and encouraging notes.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Sabbath
It is Sunday here and absolutely perfect weather. I "slept in" (8 is typically as late as my body allows me to sleep) this morning and then woke up to work on my journal. We have homework pretty regularly, as it is a school, and keeping a detailed journal is one of our assignments. We have to take notes during lectures and then respond to the prompts in our journal. They tell us to be as creative as possible and often allow us to draw instead of write in response to the prompts. I'm really enjoying getting to express what the Lord is doing in my life.
I've made a few more close friends since the last time I wrote. One is another Kiwi guy, named Johnny. This guy CRACKS me up, it seems we have a lot in common in the area of movies, music, and books...so it's been really fun to have someone I can relate to. I also made friends with another German girl named Sara. She's totally cute when she can't think of the English word she's trying to say. I love her.
This week's lectures were on the character of God. After the first day of lectures, I was thinking, "Ok, that's nothing I haven't heard before." But the Lord has really been ripping me apart since then. Of course I've heard most of the characteristics of God before, but the Lord is revealing the areas in my life where I don't believe in His goodness. The last three nights He's woken me up for about two hours and just brought things to the surface that I have been hiding for a long time. Please pray for me as I work through these areas. Satan knows where my weaknesses are and he is attacking like crazy. I'm praying for release from past misconceptions about who God really is.
The internet is still not working on base, so no pictures yet, but I promise I will post some as soon as it is up and running. In the meantime, I am having a BLAST being part of this family. Family is the only word for the base here in Perth. There are over 365 staff and students living on or around the base, and we eat meals together almost every night. There are movie nights, ping pong games, people studying, at all hours of the day and night. We all have family chores and we all take care of eachother's needs. For the first time I feel like I am living out life like the apostles did. We have Friday night meetings every Friday night here, which is basically just like a church service. All of the staff and students come together for prayer, worship, the Word of the Lord. It was so neat this past Friday...all the children of staff members bring their sleeping bags and set them up at the back of the room, and read and play in their jammies while the service is going on. I LOVE it. How awesome would it be to grow up on a base like this? so cool. anyways....that's what's been going on around here. I miss everyone a lot. I will write again soon!
I've made a few more close friends since the last time I wrote. One is another Kiwi guy, named Johnny. This guy CRACKS me up, it seems we have a lot in common in the area of movies, music, and books...so it's been really fun to have someone I can relate to. I also made friends with another German girl named Sara. She's totally cute when she can't think of the English word she's trying to say. I love her.
This week's lectures were on the character of God. After the first day of lectures, I was thinking, "Ok, that's nothing I haven't heard before." But the Lord has really been ripping me apart since then. Of course I've heard most of the characteristics of God before, but the Lord is revealing the areas in my life where I don't believe in His goodness. The last three nights He's woken me up for about two hours and just brought things to the surface that I have been hiding for a long time. Please pray for me as I work through these areas. Satan knows where my weaknesses are and he is attacking like crazy. I'm praying for release from past misconceptions about who God really is.
The internet is still not working on base, so no pictures yet, but I promise I will post some as soon as it is up and running. In the meantime, I am having a BLAST being part of this family. Family is the only word for the base here in Perth. There are over 365 staff and students living on or around the base, and we eat meals together almost every night. There are movie nights, ping pong games, people studying, at all hours of the day and night. We all have family chores and we all take care of eachother's needs. For the first time I feel like I am living out life like the apostles did. We have Friday night meetings every Friday night here, which is basically just like a church service. All of the staff and students come together for prayer, worship, the Word of the Lord. It was so neat this past Friday...all the children of staff members bring their sleeping bags and set them up at the back of the room, and read and play in their jammies while the service is going on. I LOVE it. How awesome would it be to grow up on a base like this? so cool. anyways....that's what's been going on around here. I miss everyone a lot. I will write again soon!
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
the biggest, baddest blister you ever did see
I'm going to try and sum up the last 4 days in 20 minutes. The internet is not working on base and so I'm at an internet cafe, with only so much time to spare.
I'm here! after over 48 hours of travel, 5 layovers, and two monster blisters (thanks to San Francisco) I am here, and I am in love. Our school represents over 21 countries, everyone has a different accent and for the first time, I have one! I have been told by a few people, "how cool" my accent was. which is pretty bizarre. I'm also learning that it will be IMPOSSIBLE for me to come home without changing the way I talk. I have only been here for 2 days now, and am already noticing that I have changed the way I say certain things because of the people around me. I am not a poser. haha. I'm doing it without even realizing.
we had our first day of lectures today. this week we will spend time studying the character of God, and different misconceptions we may have about it, due to experiences in our life. should be good stuff. I cannot wait to hear from the Lord.
He has been so faithful in the area of making friends. everyone here is SO friendly and inclusive. a few of us went out for tea last night and got to spend some time getting to know eachother. there are 53 in our school, so it is brutal trying to learn everyone's name. so far, I have met a Kiwi named Stephanie, a German guy named Christian, a Canadian guy named Joshua, and a girl named Esther from Hong Kong...we've had a lot a fun talking about Hong Kong and how much I love it. more updates to follow, for new friends.
also, as soon as the internet is up and running on base I will post a picture of my blister from San Francisco...it is NASTY.
that's all for now. keep praying, and show some love in the comment section. I hate being reduced to asking for comments, I'm not as needy as it sounds...just curious who reads this thing. I love you all and miss you madly!
I'm here! after over 48 hours of travel, 5 layovers, and two monster blisters (thanks to San Francisco) I am here, and I am in love. Our school represents over 21 countries, everyone has a different accent and for the first time, I have one! I have been told by a few people, "how cool" my accent was. which is pretty bizarre. I'm also learning that it will be IMPOSSIBLE for me to come home without changing the way I talk. I have only been here for 2 days now, and am already noticing that I have changed the way I say certain things because of the people around me. I am not a poser. haha. I'm doing it without even realizing.
we had our first day of lectures today. this week we will spend time studying the character of God, and different misconceptions we may have about it, due to experiences in our life. should be good stuff. I cannot wait to hear from the Lord.
He has been so faithful in the area of making friends. everyone here is SO friendly and inclusive. a few of us went out for tea last night and got to spend some time getting to know eachother. there are 53 in our school, so it is brutal trying to learn everyone's name. so far, I have met a Kiwi named Stephanie, a German guy named Christian, a Canadian guy named Joshua, and a girl named Esther from Hong Kong...we've had a lot a fun talking about Hong Kong and how much I love it. more updates to follow, for new friends.
also, as soon as the internet is up and running on base I will post a picture of my blister from San Francisco...it is NASTY.
that's all for now. keep praying, and show some love in the comment section. I hate being reduced to asking for comments, I'm not as needy as it sounds...just curious who reads this thing. I love you all and miss you madly!
Sunday, October 7, 2007
will you go to San Francisco
It is 7:20am in San Francisco. I have been awake for 3 hours, just staring at the springs of the top bunk bed. For someone who already wakes up outrageously early, the 2 hour California time change is no good. So now I have to figure out how to keep myself entertained until 9:30 when church starts.
My send off party on Friday night rocked my socks off. Thank you to anyone who made it out there. I love you all and cannot even express how much it meant to me to have so many friends and family building me up in prayer. Some amazing words of the Lord were spoken over me and have given that extra ounce of courage I needed to step out into this new life. I'm sitting in a hostel in San Francisco and it still has not set in what I'm about to do. Granted it's only six months, but this really is the "first day of the rest of my life", as it were.
After church, I'm going to wander around the city and see the sights. I already love this city. The weather is perfect. I was hoping I would get a taste of fall before I head back into summer. I feel like I'm cheating though. I feel like I should have to wait for the "fall" weather of Austin, TX (i.e. NOT blistering hot) like everyone else. All I had to do was hop on a plane and I step off to be greeted by 62 degree weather. It's wonderful nonetheless.
In other news, if any of you have tried to post comments on any of my blogs but have been unable to because you don't have a google account, you should be able to now. I have fixed the problem and now anyone should be able to post a reply. I would love to hear from you as I begin to share what is going on in my adventure! It's always encouraging.
Well, the next time I post probably won't be until I'm in Australia! So, pray for safe travel. Pray my bags won't get lost (I'm particularly paranoid about this), pray I won't have to climb any more stairs with my suitcase (a whopping 85 lbs), and pray I don't get too sick on the plane.
Until then!
My send off party on Friday night rocked my socks off. Thank you to anyone who made it out there. I love you all and cannot even express how much it meant to me to have so many friends and family building me up in prayer. Some amazing words of the Lord were spoken over me and have given that extra ounce of courage I needed to step out into this new life. I'm sitting in a hostel in San Francisco and it still has not set in what I'm about to do. Granted it's only six months, but this really is the "first day of the rest of my life", as it were.
After church, I'm going to wander around the city and see the sights. I already love this city. The weather is perfect. I was hoping I would get a taste of fall before I head back into summer. I feel like I'm cheating though. I feel like I should have to wait for the "fall" weather of Austin, TX (i.e. NOT blistering hot) like everyone else. All I had to do was hop on a plane and I step off to be greeted by 62 degree weather. It's wonderful nonetheless.
In other news, if any of you have tried to post comments on any of my blogs but have been unable to because you don't have a google account, you should be able to now. I have fixed the problem and now anyone should be able to post a reply. I would love to hear from you as I begin to share what is going on in my adventure! It's always encouraging.
Well, the next time I post probably won't be until I'm in Australia! So, pray for safe travel. Pray my bags won't get lost (I'm particularly paranoid about this), pray I won't have to climb any more stairs with my suitcase (a whopping 85 lbs), and pray I don't get too sick on the plane.
Until then!
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Greatly to be praised
I have been overwhelmed today by how gracious our God is. I keep thinking back on where I was six months ago: in despair, angry, lost, completely lost, and not sure of God's love for me or His presence in my life. I had made an idol out of the control I thought I had over my life. I loved this control. I worshipped it above the Lord. I didn't think I was doing it, but daily, I put my need for control over God's desires for me. I was selfish beyond all recognition, and I blamed God for the place I was, even as I was begging Him to rescue me. He didn't tangibly answer for a long time. At my worst I was desperate to be able to not believe in Him, desperate to disown Him completely. This was impossible, for once you have been taken into the fold, once you become a sheep in His pasture you will never be able to be lost, never be able to run away even if you try. He will always find you. I cried out to Him, begging Him to reveal Himself to me. I knew what He wanted. He wanted control of my life, and I wasn't ready to give it up until a most beloved friend grabbed me by my collar and spoke truth into my life. "God has not been showing up for you, Charissa, because He loves you too much to let you settle for the life you've been living." In other words, God's not going to coddle you and make you think everything is alright, when it's not. He is going to do whatever it takes to make you realize how good you have it with Him, and how bad you have it without Him. Who knows how this little morsel of truth somehow made it past my thick, calloused heart. But the Lord was good and He is faithful, and as soon as I handed over the reigns of my life to Him, I experienced release like I have never known. He began to speak directly to me again. I heard His voice and He heard mine. Sweet fellowship. And as if that is not enough, He is blessing me by using me in other people's lives! Anyone who knows me, knows how much I hate confrontation. But God keeps throwing people across my path who need to hear stern, loving, words of truth, and He's using me to give it them! That's just like God; in my weakness He is strong. He is made perfect in my weaknesses. I am in love with this concept and cannot wrap my mind around how He could ever trust me with these tasks. "The Lord is Great! and greatly to be praised!"
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
fresh faced and ready to meet the world
I'm leaving in 9 days and the idea of making all new friends and being sociable is beginning to seem like a pretty daunting task. One of the things I've been looking forward to the most is being able to be who I really am, and getting a fresh start at it. not that I'm necessarily someone different here at home, but I have fallen into a few habits and my friends have an image/opinion of me that may not be entirely accurate.
for the first time I have a completely clean slate. it's pretty terrifying. why am I so worried about making friends? what has happened in my life to make me so scared of this? I don't know but I plan on doing my best, taking up my little burden and pushing through it. please pray for me on this. God is faithfully guiding me in this area, but it is still a major struggle for me.
I can't believe the yearning of 4 years is finally about to start! Nine days! I'm finally stepping onto the path marked out for me.
for the first time I have a completely clean slate. it's pretty terrifying. why am I so worried about making friends? what has happened in my life to make me so scared of this? I don't know but I plan on doing my best, taking up my little burden and pushing through it. please pray for me on this. God is faithfully guiding me in this area, but it is still a major struggle for me.
I can't believe the yearning of 4 years is finally about to start! Nine days! I'm finally stepping onto the path marked out for me.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
the vision
The Vision?
The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.
The vision is an army of young people.
You see bones? I see an army. And they are FREE from materialism.They laugh at 9-5 little prisons.
They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday.They wouldn't even notice.
They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won.
They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations. They need no passport..
People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence.They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.
What is the vision ?
The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes.
It makes children laugh and adults angry.
It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars.
It scorns the good and strains for the best.
It is dangerously pure.
Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation.
It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games.
This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause.
A million times a day its soldiers choose to loose
that they might one day win
the great 'Well done' of faithful sons and daughters.
Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night.
They don't need fame from names.
Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: "COME ON!"
And this is the sound of the undergroundThe whisper of history in the making
Foundations shaking
Revolutionaries dreaming once again
Mystery is scheming in whispers
Conspiracy is breathing…
This is the sound of the underground
And the army is discipl(in)ed.
Young people who beat their bodies into submission.
Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms.
The tattoo on their back boasts "for me to live is Christ and to die is gain".
Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes.
Winners. Martyrs. Who can stop them ?
Can hormones hold them back?
Can failure succeed? Can fear scare them or death kill them ?
And the generation prays
like a dying man
with groans beyond talking,
with warrior cries, sulphuric tears and
with great barrow loads of laughter!
Waiting. Watching: 24 – 7 – 365.
Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules.
Shaking mediocrity from its cosy little hide.
Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials.
The advertisers cannot mould them.
Hollywood cannot hold them.
Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.
They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive
inside.
On the outside?
They hardly care.
They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide.
Would they surrender their image or their popularity?
They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell.
A throne for an electric chair.
With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days,
they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them.
Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breathes out, they breathe in.)
Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus.
Their words make demons scream in shopping centres.
Don't you hear them coming?
Herald the weirdo's!
Summon the losers and the freaks.
Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes.
They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension.
Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.
And this vision will be. It will come to pass; it will come easily; it will come soon.
How do I know?
Because this is the longing of creation itself, the groaning of the Spirit, the very dream of God.
My tomorrow is his today.
My distant hope is his 3D.
And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great 'Amen!' from countless angels, from hero's of the faith, from Christ himself.
And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.
Guaranteed.
The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.
The vision is an army of young people.
You see bones? I see an army. And they are FREE from materialism.They laugh at 9-5 little prisons.
They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday.They wouldn't even notice.
They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won.
They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations. They need no passport..
People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence.They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.
What is the vision ?
The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes.
It makes children laugh and adults angry.
It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars.
It scorns the good and strains for the best.
It is dangerously pure.
Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation.
It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games.
This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause.
A million times a day its soldiers choose to loose
that they might one day win
the great 'Well done' of faithful sons and daughters.
Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night.
They don't need fame from names.
Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: "COME ON!"
And this is the sound of the undergroundThe whisper of history in the making
Foundations shaking
Revolutionaries dreaming once again
Mystery is scheming in whispers
Conspiracy is breathing…
This is the sound of the underground
And the army is discipl(in)ed.
Young people who beat their bodies into submission.
Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms.
The tattoo on their back boasts "for me to live is Christ and to die is gain".
Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes.
Winners. Martyrs. Who can stop them ?
Can hormones hold them back?
Can failure succeed? Can fear scare them or death kill them ?
And the generation prays
like a dying man
with groans beyond talking,
with warrior cries, sulphuric tears and
with great barrow loads of laughter!
Waiting. Watching: 24 – 7 – 365.
Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules.
Shaking mediocrity from its cosy little hide.
Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials.
The advertisers cannot mould them.
Hollywood cannot hold them.
Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.
They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive
inside.
On the outside?
They hardly care.
They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide.
Would they surrender their image or their popularity?
They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell.
A throne for an electric chair.
With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days,
they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them.
Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breathes out, they breathe in.)
Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus.
Their words make demons scream in shopping centres.
Don't you hear them coming?
Herald the weirdo's!
Summon the losers and the freaks.
Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes.
They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension.
Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.
And this vision will be. It will come to pass; it will come easily; it will come soon.
How do I know?
Because this is the longing of creation itself, the groaning of the Spirit, the very dream of God.
My tomorrow is his today.
My distant hope is his 3D.
And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great 'Amen!' from countless angels, from hero's of the faith, from Christ himself.
And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.
Guaranteed.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
autumn beginnings
it never fails...every year at this time I long for the fall season. my body physically aches for the feeling of a cool breeze pushing the hair from my face, for the taste of warm pumpkin bread and peppermint hot chocolate. I don't have any specific fall memories that stand out to me from my childhood...just an overall nostalgia for the season. most of the biggest changes in my life have occurred during this time, maybe that's why I like it.
I remember moving into my very first apartment with two of my best friends and that fresh feeling of complete independence. we had some friends over to help us move our little bunch of hand me down furniture and picture frames of family. we all went out to eat afterward and it was bliss. I loved it.
I also spent one of the best road trips in fall. it was right after we moved in. Me, Katie and Jess packed up my Pathfinder and headed out to spend the weekend in Fort Worth with Jonathan and Michael. They were freshmen in college and hadn't quite put their roots down into the scene and so were happy to spend the whole weekend with us. we went to a restaurant that was WAY too expensive for 2 college kids and 3 girls who had crappy jobs and bills to pay. but we said "what the hey" and paid $25 each for the best meal of our lives. I've never laughed so much in a weekend. oh...and might I add...I had the best haircut EVER.
I've always thought of September as the beginning of the new year, as opposed to January. Maybe it's from years of school; I always equate September as my time to start over. It fits I think. Like I said, all my major life changes have occurred around this time. And this year is no different. In 20 days I will board a plane on my way to my new life. In November I turn 22, the first in a long line of not fun birthdays. Or at least that's my prediction. Maybe I'm being too cynical. Nevertheless, I am anticipating this new beginning just as much as the others.Wednesday, September 12, 2007
food for thought
I've been reading John Steinbeck's East of Eden for the last few weeks. I am in love with his style of writing, it is excessively relatable. I think anyone could understand it. Anyways, I just got to a part in the book where the characters are discussing the story of Cain and Abel from the Bible. I have never felt fully able to understand this story, but the characters of East of Eden put some interesting ideas on the table.
"If a story is not about the hearer, he will not listen. And I here make this rule- a great and lasting story is about everyone or it will not last. The strange and foreign is not interesting-only the deeply personal and familiar", Lee said.
"Apply that to the Cain and Abel story", said Samuel.
"I think I can. I think this is the best known story in the world because it is everybody's story. I think it is the symbol story of the human soul. I'm feeling my way now-don't jump on me because it's not clear. The greatest terror a child can have is that he is not loved, and rejection is the hell he fears. I think everyone in the world to a large or small extent has felt rejection. And with rejection comes anger, and with anger some kind of crime in revenge for the rejection, and with the crime, guilt- and there is the story of mankind. I think that if rejection could be amputated, the human would not be what he is. Maybe there would be fewer crazy people. I am sure in myself there would not be many jails. It is all there-the start, the beginning. One child, refused the love he craves, kicks the cat and hides the secret guilt; and another steals the money that will make him loved; and a third conquers the world-and always the guilt and revenge and more guilt. The human is the only guilty animal. Now wait! Therefore I think this old and terrible story is important because it is a chart of the soul- the secret, rejected, guilty, soul. "
Now, of course I cannot leave out the hope and inclusion only found in Christ, but I feel like this is me before I knew Him. It is everyone before they know him. Our greatest fear, rejection from those we love, those we look up to.
Thoughts? Feelings?
"If a story is not about the hearer, he will not listen. And I here make this rule- a great and lasting story is about everyone or it will not last. The strange and foreign is not interesting-only the deeply personal and familiar", Lee said.
"Apply that to the Cain and Abel story", said Samuel.
"I think I can. I think this is the best known story in the world because it is everybody's story. I think it is the symbol story of the human soul. I'm feeling my way now-don't jump on me because it's not clear. The greatest terror a child can have is that he is not loved, and rejection is the hell he fears. I think everyone in the world to a large or small extent has felt rejection. And with rejection comes anger, and with anger some kind of crime in revenge for the rejection, and with the crime, guilt- and there is the story of mankind. I think that if rejection could be amputated, the human would not be what he is. Maybe there would be fewer crazy people. I am sure in myself there would not be many jails. It is all there-the start, the beginning. One child, refused the love he craves, kicks the cat and hides the secret guilt; and another steals the money that will make him loved; and a third conquers the world-and always the guilt and revenge and more guilt. The human is the only guilty animal. Now wait! Therefore I think this old and terrible story is important because it is a chart of the soul- the secret, rejected, guilty, soul. "
Now, of course I cannot leave out the hope and inclusion only found in Christ, but I feel like this is me before I knew Him. It is everyone before they know him. Our greatest fear, rejection from those we love, those we look up to.
Thoughts? Feelings?
Sunday, September 9, 2007
women of zion
I've been thinking a lot lately about the woman that I want to be, the woman I hope I am becoming. I have been staring at the blinking cursor for about 5 minutes now and I have nothing more profound to write here except a list of the attributes which I think the Lord values in all women who put their trust in Him.
I desire to be a woman whose life is not dictated by Cosmopolitan magazine, or Vogue, in my case. I want the decisions in my life to be made based on my pursuit of the Lord and my relationship with Him, and not by anything else that this culture might throw my way. I want my relationships with others to be paved with goodness, kindness and patience. I want other people's perception of me to be based on the graciousness I pass on to them from the overwhelming Grace I receive from God every day. sheesh, I'm trying to make this sound so much more eloquent than I am capable of writing, but know that I am sincere. haha. I want to be an encouragement to my friends and family. I want to be the mouthpiece of God, wherever he might want to use me in my relationships. one thing I need so much work on, but want so badly to possess: A SERVANT'S HEART. my first-born personality does not help much when it comes to this trait. I typically want things my way or not at all. hard to believe, I know...haha, but you must believe me when I say, I'm a little bossy. ;) ugghhhhh....I want so badly to be rid of this ugly trait.
my wonderful pastor, Matt Carter was speaking tonight of how much the Lord abhors the sin areas of our lives. not just because he is a holy and just God who desires the same for His people, but because we are living, breathing projections of HIM! when we continue to indulge the areas of our lives where we are running away from Him, we are reflecting badly on His character. He does not tolerate this and He will do anything get us to walk in purity again. at the end of the sermon, Matt was talking about something one of his seminary teachers had told the class when he was in school. he was talking about how all through out the Bible, when cities or churches or communities were going down the tubes, running away from God, indulging their sinful desires, usually it was a group of women who would hold out....raising the banner of the Lord and resisting temptation. his professor said that the day we see women in our culture selling out and giving in, becoming mothers and daughters who crave attention in all the wrong places, who seek approval and acceptance from our appearance, the clothes we have, or the boys we sleep with...that day is when we know things are bad. Matt said he thinks this has already begun in our culture...it's heart-breaking to me to see the places where women are seeking joy and contentment. Matt begged the women of our church to stand in the gap and not let this sick and dying culture dictate who we are or how we influence others. this is who I want to be. I want to be the woman who stands in the gap.
so here's my question, for the two people who read this blog: what attributes do you see in a woman of God? what have a I left out? I'm curious to see what other people value in a woman.
I desire to be a woman whose life is not dictated by Cosmopolitan magazine, or Vogue, in my case. I want the decisions in my life to be made based on my pursuit of the Lord and my relationship with Him, and not by anything else that this culture might throw my way. I want my relationships with others to be paved with goodness, kindness and patience. I want other people's perception of me to be based on the graciousness I pass on to them from the overwhelming Grace I receive from God every day. sheesh, I'm trying to make this sound so much more eloquent than I am capable of writing, but know that I am sincere. haha. I want to be an encouragement to my friends and family. I want to be the mouthpiece of God, wherever he might want to use me in my relationships. one thing I need so much work on, but want so badly to possess: A SERVANT'S HEART. my first-born personality does not help much when it comes to this trait. I typically want things my way or not at all. hard to believe, I know...haha, but you must believe me when I say, I'm a little bossy. ;) ugghhhhh....I want so badly to be rid of this ugly trait.
my wonderful pastor, Matt Carter was speaking tonight of how much the Lord abhors the sin areas of our lives. not just because he is a holy and just God who desires the same for His people, but because we are living, breathing projections of HIM! when we continue to indulge the areas of our lives where we are running away from Him, we are reflecting badly on His character. He does not tolerate this and He will do anything get us to walk in purity again. at the end of the sermon, Matt was talking about something one of his seminary teachers had told the class when he was in school. he was talking about how all through out the Bible, when cities or churches or communities were going down the tubes, running away from God, indulging their sinful desires, usually it was a group of women who would hold out....raising the banner of the Lord and resisting temptation. his professor said that the day we see women in our culture selling out and giving in, becoming mothers and daughters who crave attention in all the wrong places, who seek approval and acceptance from our appearance, the clothes we have, or the boys we sleep with...that day is when we know things are bad. Matt said he thinks this has already begun in our culture...it's heart-breaking to me to see the places where women are seeking joy and contentment. Matt begged the women of our church to stand in the gap and not let this sick and dying culture dictate who we are or how we influence others. this is who I want to be. I want to be the woman who stands in the gap.
so here's my question, for the two people who read this blog: what attributes do you see in a woman of God? what have a I left out? I'm curious to see what other people value in a woman.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
personal heroes
there are very few people who make it into this category for me. very few. the people that do make it in, are people who I want to be like in almost every way. there's just not that many who measure up to this standard. but I have come to realize over the past few years that there are two people who I will run into time and again, and every time I do, I walk away thinking, "man...I wish I could be like them." I met Hannah Gentiles when I was in 4th grade, she was one of the few friends I made when I moved to Cedar Park. We stayed friends through middle school and worked out a car-pooling plan between her dad and mine. David Gentiles, tended to pick us up from school everyday. He was one of the "cool" dads that all the kids liked. Since, middle school my contact with this family has lessened, but thanks to miracles of the internet, myspace and facebook, I am able to secretly stalk them and find out what they are up to these days. I have discovered that both Hannah and her dad, David, are the rare souls who give their life away every single day to others. They do it joyfully and passionately. Hannah is majoring in social work, and from what I can tell, uses all the rest of her free time pouring into and loving on "the least of these". A couple of years ago, she gave a year to an organization called Mission Year. Basically she lived in the ghetto of Oakland, California, and served daily the brothers and sisters around her. she became their friends, took care of their children, and lent a hand wherever needed and wherever possible, but mostly just showed them the love that Jesus would have shown them. exactly. This summer, she spent in Austin counseling for Austin Sunshine Camps. These camps offer low income, high-risk, children an opportunity that they would never have otherwise to go to camp for a week. the pictures from Hannah's experience are absolutely beautiful.
Besides, all this Hannah is freaking gorgeous and funny and one of the friendliest girls I have had the privilege to meet. Her dad must have been the one who imparted all these qualities to her. Ever since I have known him, he has been one of the easiest people to talk to, even after years of not seeing him. Every time, it's like I see him every day. He is a single dad who has served in the church, mostly youth, for like 14 years I think. Any guy who can handle pubescent teens at church and then come home to raise 3 girls every day, and have them turn out as talented and beautiful as they are, is a force to behold. He is every bit as loving and selfless as his daughter and he has a smile that could make any old meany melt. anyways....blah blah blah....I love them both and if I only get to be half as loving and giving as them, I will be happy. Hannah, David....this one's for you. :)Sunday, August 26, 2007
counterfeit
My heart is broken for those who recieve a watered down word of the Lord every Sunday...for those who do not know Him and whose first taste of Him is a counterfeit for the true LIFE found in Jesus. non-believers can see right through these counterfeits. the Lord is life and joy and there is nothing else that is even comparable.
"The redeemed have all their objective good in God. God himself is the great good which they are brought to the possession and enjoyment of by redemption. He is the highest good, and the sum of all that good which Christ purchased. God is the inheritance of the saints; he is the portion of their souls. God is their wealth and treasure, their food, their life, their dwelling place, their ornament and diadem, and their everlasting honor and glory. They have none in heaven but God; he is the great good which the redeemed are received to at death, and which they are to rise to at the end of the world. The Lord God, he is the light of the heavenly Jerusalem; and is the ‘river of the water of life’ that runs, and the tree of life that grows, ‘in the midst of the paradise of God’. The glorious excellencies and beauty of God will be what will forever entertain the minds of the saints, and the love of God will be their everlasting feast. The redeemed will indeed enjoy other things; they will enjoy the angels, and will enjoy one another: but that which they shall enjoy in the angels, or each other, or in anything else whatsoever, that will yield then delight and happiness, will be what will be seen of God in them." —Edwards, Jonathan. The Sermons of Jonathan Edwards: A Reader
"The redeemed have all their objective good in God. God himself is the great good which they are brought to the possession and enjoyment of by redemption. He is the highest good, and the sum of all that good which Christ purchased. God is the inheritance of the saints; he is the portion of their souls. God is their wealth and treasure, their food, their life, their dwelling place, their ornament and diadem, and their everlasting honor and glory. They have none in heaven but God; he is the great good which the redeemed are received to at death, and which they are to rise to at the end of the world. The Lord God, he is the light of the heavenly Jerusalem; and is the ‘river of the water of life’ that runs, and the tree of life that grows, ‘in the midst of the paradise of God’. The glorious excellencies and beauty of God will be what will forever entertain the minds of the saints, and the love of God will be their everlasting feast. The redeemed will indeed enjoy other things; they will enjoy the angels, and will enjoy one another: but that which they shall enjoy in the angels, or each other, or in anything else whatsoever, that will yield then delight and happiness, will be what will be seen of God in them." —Edwards, Jonathan. The Sermons of Jonathan Edwards: A Reader
adoration
There is no one who is like You
You stand alone as God
All the earth will bow before You And see You as You are
And Your people sing Jesus is the Lord Who reigns forevermore
Jesus is the Lord He reigns, He reigns
Heroes tremble in Your presence Kings forget their crowns
Mountains shudder at Your whisper Nations fall face down
And Your people sing Jesus is the Lord Who reigns forevermore
Jesus is the Lord He reigns, He reigns
Our God is an awesome God He reigns from Heaven above With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God
Jesus is the Lord Who reigns forevermore Jesus is the Lord He reigns, he reigns
You stand alone as God
All the earth will bow before You And see You as You are
And Your people sing Jesus is the Lord Who reigns forevermore
Jesus is the Lord He reigns, He reigns
Heroes tremble in Your presence Kings forget their crowns
Mountains shudder at Your whisper Nations fall face down
And Your people sing Jesus is the Lord Who reigns forevermore
Jesus is the Lord He reigns, He reigns
Our God is an awesome God He reigns from Heaven above With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God
Jesus is the Lord Who reigns forevermore Jesus is the Lord He reigns, he reigns
Saturday, August 25, 2007
battle verse
1 Timothy 1:15-16
...Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.
this verse embodies everything that I'm feeling about my leaving for Australia in a month. His redemption is more beautiful than I have words to express.
...Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.
this verse embodies everything that I'm feeling about my leaving for Australia in a month. His redemption is more beautiful than I have words to express.
Friday, August 24, 2007
worth
I have got to stop finding my worth in my friends and what boys may or may not think of me. all girls have insecurities, well, all people have insecurities I suppose. my big one is my friends. the fear of losing friends drives me to be a people pleaser 24/7. I will go to great lengths, spend outrageous amounts of money on parties that people don't show up to most of the time, host get-togethers, and for what? it's all in the hopes that I will find out that my friends really do like me and want to spend time with me and with eachother. it's pretty sick, really. this is something the Lord has been working on me for a long time. it has a HUGE impact on my ministry too. the fear of losing friends or even just changing the dynamic of an already exisiting friendship prevents me from sharing the Gospel sometimes. I have a few friends who do not know the Lord and I'm too scared to share how my life has been changed by Him because it might push them away. why can't I remember that the Gospel is LIFE- by sharing it with them I am offering life...not something that is going to suck their happiness away. the Lord is sooooo much bigger than I give Him credit for, and it is so hard for me to trust that He knows what He is doing when He calls me to share.
I was driving in my sister's car yesterday, complete with no air conditioning in the blistering heat, when I felt it start to lurch right on the highway. I looked at the gas gauge and saw there was still an 8th of a tank. well...turns out you can't let the gas get below a quarter of a tank, something my beautiful sister neglected to tell me. as I was sitting, crying on the side of the road, my car right in the middle of a lane, other cars honking and swerving to miss it, God started nagging me about where my worth is found. the flesh part of me actually thought for a few minutes, "As soon as I get married and have a husband who loves me for who I am, I will be cured of this insecurity, I won't need anybody else's approval because I will have his." how absurd is that?? the Lord quickly corrected me and reminded me that and I am His child, His beloved and I can never find my worth in anyone else but Him. He loves me for who I am, unconditionally, forever and ever, and if I ever were to run away, He would chase me until He found me and brought me back home.
I was driving in my sister's car yesterday, complete with no air conditioning in the blistering heat, when I felt it start to lurch right on the highway. I looked at the gas gauge and saw there was still an 8th of a tank. well...turns out you can't let the gas get below a quarter of a tank, something my beautiful sister neglected to tell me. as I was sitting, crying on the side of the road, my car right in the middle of a lane, other cars honking and swerving to miss it, God started nagging me about where my worth is found. the flesh part of me actually thought for a few minutes, "As soon as I get married and have a husband who loves me for who I am, I will be cured of this insecurity, I won't need anybody else's approval because I will have his." how absurd is that?? the Lord quickly corrected me and reminded me that and I am His child, His beloved and I can never find my worth in anyone else but Him. He loves me for who I am, unconditionally, forever and ever, and if I ever were to run away, He would chase me until He found me and brought me back home.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
scared...a lot
A few days ago I sold that last piece of my former life. Over the last few months I have had to give up, sell, or lose almost everything that meant anything to me from the life I was living before any of this DTS stuff came to fruition. It started with my apartment in July. I boxed everything up and put it all (with the exception of my clothes and books) into storage. As some of you know, I'm a big cryer. I loooove a good cry. But alas, no tears would come as I looked at my apartment in the rear-view mirror for the last time. Then came my job, at the beginning of August. I thought for sure there would be waterworks as I said goodbye to Ripley and Max, the two 1 year old boys I'd been nannying for. Still nothing. Then came Gertie, my beloved, granted, extremely obnoxious kitten. I got a call from my sister who had been watching her since I moved out. "Charissa, I can't find Gertie anywhere."...and she was gone. I like to think some nice family found her and she is living it up chasing bugs. This one was hard because I wanted to cry, but I was in a place where there was no privacy. So I shoved it down deep and pushed onward. Two days ago I sold my '98 Ford Taurus Stationwagon-the first car I paid for myself. She was a boat of a car, a real whale, but I loved it. I came the closest to crying, when I cleaned out the car and watched as a man named Nelson drove it away forever...but still nothing. There is an emotional break-down bubbling at the surface and who knows when it's going to blow.
I called my mom to tell her how sad and scared I was with all these changes, and how final they seem. She reminded me of the rich young ruler, who came to Jesus and said, "What do I need to do get into the kingdom of heaven?" and Jesus said, "Sell all your possessions and follow me."
God is continually giving me the strength to do what He has called me to. It really sucks sometimes, but I am so excited to finally be in the center of His will! Terrified, yes, but also expectant.
I called my mom to tell her how sad and scared I was with all these changes, and how final they seem. She reminded me of the rich young ruler, who came to Jesus and said, "What do I need to do get into the kingdom of heaven?" and Jesus said, "Sell all your possessions and follow me."
God is continually giving me the strength to do what He has called me to. It really sucks sometimes, but I am so excited to finally be in the center of His will! Terrified, yes, but also expectant.
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