scared...a lot

A few days ago I sold that last piece of my former life. Over the last few months I have had to give up, sell, or lose almost everything that meant anything to me from the life I was living before any of this DTS stuff came to fruition. It started with my apartment in July. I boxed everything up and put it all (with the exception of my clothes and books) into storage. As some of you know, I'm a big cryer. I loooove a good cry. But alas, no tears would come as I looked at my apartment in the rear-view mirror for the last time. Then came my job, at the beginning of August. I thought for sure there would be waterworks as I said goodbye to Ripley and Max, the two 1 year old boys I'd been nannying for. Still nothing. Then came Gertie, my beloved, granted, extremely obnoxious kitten. I got a call from my sister who had been watching her since I moved out. "Charissa, I can't find Gertie anywhere."...and she was gone. I like to think some nice family found her and she is living it up chasing bugs. This one was hard because I wanted to cry, but I was in a place where there was no privacy. So I shoved it down deep and pushed onward. Two days ago I sold my '98 Ford Taurus Stationwagon-the first car I paid for myself. She was a boat of a car, a real whale, but I loved it. I came the closest to crying, when I cleaned out the car and watched as a man named Nelson drove it away forever...but still nothing. There is an emotional break-down bubbling at the surface and who knows when it's going to blow.

I called my mom to tell her how sad and scared I was with all these changes, and how final they seem. She reminded me of the rich young ruler, who came to Jesus and said, "What do I need to do get into the kingdom of heaven?" and Jesus said, "Sell all your possessions and follow me."
God is continually giving me the strength to do what He has called me to. It really sucks sometimes, but I am so excited to finally be in the center of His will! Terrified, yes, but also expectant.