Greatly to be praised

I have been overwhelmed today by how gracious our God is. I keep thinking back on where I was six months ago: in despair, angry, lost, completely lost, and not sure of God's love for me or His presence in my life. I had made an idol out of the control I thought I had over my life. I loved this control. I worshipped it above the Lord. I didn't think I was doing it, but daily, I put my need for control over God's desires for me. I was selfish beyond all recognition, and I blamed God for the place I was, even as I was begging Him to rescue me. He didn't tangibly answer for a long time. At my worst I was desperate to be able to not believe in Him, desperate to disown Him completely. This was impossible, for once you have been taken into the fold, once you become a sheep in His pasture you will never be able to be lost, never be able to run away even if you try. He will always find you. I cried out to Him, begging Him to reveal Himself to me. I knew what He wanted. He wanted control of my life, and I wasn't ready to give it up until a most beloved friend grabbed me by my collar and spoke truth into my life. "God has not been showing up for you, Charissa, because He loves you too much to let you settle for the life you've been living." In other words, God's not going to coddle you and make you think everything is alright, when it's not. He is going to do whatever it takes to make you realize how good you have it with Him, and how bad you have it without Him. Who knows how this little morsel of truth somehow made it past my thick, calloused heart. But the Lord was good and He is faithful, and as soon as I handed over the reigns of my life to Him, I experienced release like I have never known. He began to speak directly to me again. I heard His voice and He heard mine. Sweet fellowship. And as if that is not enough, He is blessing me by using me in other people's lives! Anyone who knows me, knows how much I hate confrontation. But God keeps throwing people across my path who need to hear stern, loving, words of truth, and He's using me to give it them! That's just like God; in my weakness He is strong. He is made perfect in my weaknesses. I am in love with this concept and cannot wrap my mind around how He could ever trust me with these tasks. "The Lord is Great! and greatly to be praised!"