2007 did not start off well. I was completely lost in every aspect of the word. I had no direction, I was spiritually hungry, and I was totally disconnected from God, even to the point of wondering if He existed. I couldn't understand why none of my plans for myself were working out. eventually I had an emotional melt-down. even as I was bawling my eyes out, I was journaling my thoughts on my life. they were not nice ones. I was angry with God because I felt deserted and I couldn't hear Him. the next morning I emailed a close friend of mine and attached the whole journal entry to see what he thought about my situation. He wrote me back and said he has prayed about my email and got a specific word from the Lord for me. basically God was telling me, "the reason none of your plans are working out, the reason you can't hear me, the reason you have no direction is because I love you too much to let you settle for a life that you're not called to. you were made for missions. you were made to go to the nations."
fast-forward three months and I am applying for the DTS here in Perth. there is no way to describe the feeling of being in the center of God's will. it's like a huge weight has been lifted off my back. I can move forward. I have no idea what the next step is, but the doors are open and God will tell me where to move.
here's a revelation I got earlier this week: basically, it's really easy to stay inside your own little bubble of "me". constantly worrying about the things you need to get done, the things you need to change in your life, etc. And not all of this stuff is necessarily bad, but I was challenged to look at the bigger picture. I feel like I am a character in some grand story. and my adventure is that for the rest of my life I get to plumb the depths of a limitless God. He is mysterious and HUGE and I will never know all of Him, but I get the spend the rest of my life, in every experience, getting to know a little more of His character. kinda brings you out of yourself for a little bit. The God that made the stars and the universe and Mount Everest and humpback whales, I know Him! it's just bizarre.
anyways...I have no idea what the next step for me is. but I am seriously looking forward to 2008. I will start off the year by spending 3 months in Indonesia and Nepal, trekking through the Himalaya's with a Sherpa, to tiny villages. what more could you ask for?
1 comment:
You are right, Charissa...everything you wrote was dead on.
When we immerse ourselves in the limitlessness of God we are finally able to see how small the issues we see in our lives as hopeless. With Him being the "light of the world"... being in Him illuminates the truth about every situation. The cool part is we see, know, and understand that nothing is impossible with Him. He is a big God (which is truly an understatement) who is Lord over every situation... Thank you for the reminder.
I was so glad to see that you posted something... I miss you and miss hearing from you. I hope we can talk before you leave for your mission trip. We will be going to Sara's on Christmas day. It won't be the same without you.
I love you!!!
Mom
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